Getting involved in the lifestyle can stir up a wide range of emotions, and if these aren’t explored and addressed, the experience can quickly become overwhelming.

One of the most common—and often unsettling—emotions newcomers face is jealousy. Jealousy holds a curious role in society: sometimes it’s seen as a sign of passion, and other times it’s viewed as toxic.

Popular culture often portrays jealousy as proof of true love—just think about those romantic comedies where the main character realizes how much they care only when someone else starts pursuing their crush. In many ways, society has conditioned us to expect jealousy in committed relationships. If you’re not at least a little jealous, people may even question how deeply you care.

But we see it differently. Why should a negative emotion like jealousy be considered proof of love? Isn’t it healthier—and far more fulfilling—to show love through encouragement, trust, and genuine happiness for your partner’s joy?

Life is too short to spend it consumed by jealousy. We believe that time is much better spent building each other up and walking our shared journey with honesty and support.

While jealousy is a natural human emotion, it’s something we should aim to understand and grow beyond, just like frustration, envy, or resentment. It’s a common emotional hurdle for those new to the lifestyle, but it can be managed.

That said, trying to move past jealousy doesn’t mean it disappears immediately.

Most people will encounter it in some form. It’s not inherently bad, and suppressing it doesn’t help. What matters is being honest with yourself about what you’re feeling. Jealousy looks different for everyone.

For some, it may be triggered by affectionate nicknames; for others, it might be physical intimacy like a kiss or touch. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to emotions.

The key is to identify, explore, and talk about these feelings so you can grow through them.

There will be times when you feel uncertain or vulnerable, and those moments can make jealousy flare up. The first, and most important, step is to recognize those feelings for what they are.

That simple act reminds us that we’re human and that emotions—especially messy ones—are completely normal. No one is wrong for feeling jealous.

It’s human nature. And you’re certainly not alone—most people in the lifestyle have been there too.

Being part of the lifestyle doesn’t mean becoming immune to difficult emotions. It doesn’t magically turn you into someone who never feels threatened or insecure.

But the good news is that these emotions can be managed, allowing you to move forward with more awareness and happiness.

When jealousy arises, pause and reflect on what’s behind it. It’s not always obvious.

Strong feelings like jealousy can mask deeper concerns, and it may take time and space to understand what’s really going on. Is this a new emotion for you, or has it been simmering for a while?

Was there a specific event that triggered it? Is there anything your partner—or you—can do to help ease the tension and rebuild a sense of trust and connection?

Taking a step back to analyze the situation gives you clarity.

Once you’ve pinpointed what’s bothering you, it becomes a learning opportunity. For example, maybe watching your partner get ready for a date with someone else sparked envy—not because you don’t want them to have fun, but because you miss the excitement of getting ready for something special yourself.

That realization could be your cue to plan your own adventure. Or maybe hearing your partner praise someone else made you feel invisible—maybe what you really need is to feel seen and appreciated again.

One effective way to manage jealousy is to limit the influence of people who reinforce negative mindsets.

If someone constantly insists that jealousy equals love, or criticizes your emotional growth, it may be time to create distance.

Surrounding yourself with supportive, open-minded people helps you thrive in the lifestyle with less judgment and more encouragement.

What is Compersion?

While jealousy is often the first emotion people associate with swinging, there’s another, much less talked-about feeling: compersion.

Compersion is essentially the joy you feel when your partner experiences happiness, even when you’re not the source of it. It’s a form of emotional empathy—feeling good simply because someone you love is having a good time.

Think of it like discovering a delicious new treat. If you truly enjoy it, you might want to share it with your partner, not out of obligation, but because their enjoyment enhances your own.

You’re not resentful that they get to enjoy your favorite snack—you feel more joy knowing they’re delighted too. That’s compersion.

Or picture throwing a surprise birthday party for your partner.

It’s their moment, but watching their joy fills you with happiness. You’re not jealous of their attention—you’re proud and thrilled that they’re so excited. That’s what compersion feels like.

You can even experience it in everyday moments. Imagine getting a couple’s massage at a spa. You might feel a little more relaxed and content just knowing your partner is also enjoying the moment. That shared joy—that warm connection—is another form of compersion.

Many people enter the lifestyle unaware of compersion, but once they encounter it, it often becomes one of the most fulfilling parts of the experience. Instead of feeling threatened by a partner’s pleasure, they feel uplifted.

That excitement can even add fuel to their own relationship, enhancing their emotional and physical connection.

But like all emotions, compersion can’t be forced.

You can’t just decide to feel it, especially if you’re someone who regularly struggles with jealousy. It takes emotional work, self-awareness, and honest communication to get there.

And if you don’t feel it right away—or ever—that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad partner or mean the lifestyle isn’t for you. Still, for many, compersion becomes a powerful and affirming part of their journey.